Totally Not Jealous
by Firegirl210
Summary: Sparks totally does not get jealous. Seriously, c'mon. Whatever. (Sparks Nevada Marshal on Mars from the Thrilling Adventure Podcast)


Enjoy, Adventurekateers, and throw me a PM or a review with drabble requests. These goofballs aren't mine, sadly.

Implied Sparks/Croach

* * *

**Totally Not Jealous**

"Bye Jim."

"Seeya Red."

The two humans shared a brief mouth-kiss at the marshal station doors, the bright colors of the emotions designated happiness and contentment tinging the air around them. Sparks Nevada rolled his eyes, putting off roiling waves of sickly green-yellow jealousy and burnt orange irritation.

"Gross."

The Red Plains Rider swaggered through the room, rifling (without asking) through a pile of the marshal's paperwork. The chemical tension in the air increased by eleven percent.

"Didn't ask fer yer opinion, Nevada," she pointed out, and he smacked a hand down on the pile she was trying to take. A flush of testosterone flooded his system.

"Well I didn't ask for you to be here at all. Shouldn't you be deputyin' around the outskirts of the planet?"

She pulled harder, and his hand fell hard on the desk as she wrenched the papers away from him with a sharp expression. Both of their heart rates had increased, and their pupils dilated. They were preparing for an altercation, or perhaps physical violence.

"Well I _was_, but some high falutin' Marshal told me I needed to get some particular paperwork documents so's me'n Cactoid Jim can properly address what needs addressin' out on them yonder plains, which I been ridin'."

"Oh. This here paperwork?" he asked, gesturing to the stack she had wrested from his grip, and she fixed him with a look man and martian alike quailed at the sight of.

"Yes, this here paperwork."

"Well fine then. Take it."

"I plan to."

"Good."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Good day Marshal. Croach."

She swept out, trailing hot red triumph, spurs clinking, and slid her arm through Cactoid Jim's as he met her outside. They smiled and exchanged another mouth kiss, floating pleasant colors and smells into their surroundings.

"So, so gross," Sparks Nevada called, loud enough for them to hear, and Jim just smiled and gave him a wave while Red raised her middle finger in the Marshal's general direction. He slumped back at his desk, kicking his boots onto it and bubbling with frustration. The space around him flickered, shot through with electric green. He noticed my eyes upon him and glared.

"What're you lookin' at?" he demanded, and I imitated the human gesture of jerking my shoulders up and down to indicate uncertainty.

"You are experiencing the human emotions designated 'anger,' 'irritation,' and 'jealousy'?"

"Knock it off, Croach."

"Is it because The Red Plains Rider engaged in the human mouth kissing with the Human Cactoid Jim directly within our range of eyesight?"

"Y'know, that could have somethin' to do with it. Why, ain't you angry, irritated, and jealous on account of them flauntin' their perfect relationship in our faces?"

"I do not experience such human emotions as-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Under his breath he mumbled, "liar."

"I am not Vlaim the Fabricator and thus am incapable of lying! You are under onus to me for such attacks against my honor!"

"Well fine then, you're not a liar and I'm not jealous."

"The two have no interlinked cause and effect relationship, Sparks Nevada."

"You know what, how about you shut up."

"Lashing out will not assuage your human emotions of anger, irritation or jealo-"

"Yeah, well, you telling me it's not helping is helping even less, okay? So can you just not?"

He stood sharply, stomping out in overly large human boots that clinked as he did so. He burned with many colors, smelled of frustration and disappointment and embarrassment and human emotions I had yet to discover names for. He was a particularly proud human, but that did not make me wish to help him any less.

"The saloon doors are open. Welcome Croach."

"Thank you, artificial intelligence," I replied, offering a friendly wave of my antennae in the direction of the doors. The Artificial Intelligence imitated the human sound of giggling.

"Have you recently had your doors cleaned? They are very transparent."

"Oh, you're so sweet Croach. Your antennae look nice today."

"Your compliment is received, saloon artificial intelligence. Thank you for your flattery."

"Anytime, handsome."

Feeling the emotion designated self-satisfied I perched on a stool beside Sparks Nevada at the bar, where Barkeep was eyeing us suspiciously.

"I don't want-"

"Any trouble in yer place. We know Barkeep," Sparks mumbled, but when I turned to speak with him he did not move to receive my interaction. When we came here he usually emitted warm, welcoming auras, started conversation or engaged in eye contact when I joined him. He looked down into the tankard of space rotgut that Barkeep passed to him and did not acknowledge my presence.

"May I procure liquid H20 to imbibe?" I asked, and Barkeep acquiesced to my request. I glanced again at Sparks Nevada; the lime green tint of the emotion designated envy had returned to him, framing his lean form with it.

"What ails you, Sparks Nevada?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"Nothin' particular, Croach. Why d'you you keep askin' me that?"

"You appear to be experiencing the human emotion designated 'jealousy' once more. The Red Plains Rider is nowhere within sight range; what has caused this feeling?"

"What? Nothing, cuz I ain't feelin' it."

"You are certain?"

"Why would I be?"

"I am not certain, that is why I asked you directly instead of attempting to work out for myself the event which caused you to become upset."

"I ain't upset, and there weren't no event."

I fell silent and let him consider his emotions and sit with his alcohol, taking part in the human activity of 'brooding'. He does that often.

"If you want some more pleasant company, Croach, I'm always available," the saloon artificial intelligence spoke up, and the green flared around Sparks Nevada when I turned as if to accept her offer. I realized there was a connection between his feelings of jealousy and my flirtations with the artificial intelligence. My antennae waved slowly as I stared at the Marshal to assess the validity of my hypothesis. He shifted, presence shot through with the chartruse of discomfort.

"What're you starin' at me for, Croach? It's creepy, so cut it out."

"Your feelings of jealousy are directly linked to my flirtation with the artificial intelligence."

"Whaaaat?" The pitch of his voice rose sharply at the tail, the way it did when he was anxious or lying. "They are so not, that, that is just ridiculous."

"You are not jealous then?"

"I am totally not jealous. Not even a little. Gross. No."

I observed the human emotion designated embarrassment in his actions, and allowed him a small victory. I turned back to the bar, taking up my liquid.

"I was mistaken. You are totally not jealous."


End file.
